Revisiting the Island: The Problem With "Social" Sports

I first started playing soccer when I was eight years old. My mom had put my sister and me in T-Ball and although I enjoyed sports, I found I spent a lot of time doing nothing. At that age the teams were co-ed, and coaches tended to put all the boys in the infield and would stick the girls out where nothing ever happened. My sister was content to sit and fill her glove with grass, but I would stand there, primed and ready to catch anything that came my way, which it never did. After a couple of years, my dad decided I should try soccer.


I don't know what happened at my first practice, or game, or what my initial impressions were of soccer. What I do know is that I have no memory of a time when I didn't love to play. I loved games, I loved practices, and I loved anything and everything to do with soccer. If I could have played all day, every day, I would have.

Over the past 24 years, I've played various levels of competitive soccer. I've played on teams I didn't like, had coaches that were morons and faced some pretty nasty opponents.  Yet even in the midst of all that, I always loved to play.

 Now that I'm older, the level of soccer I choose to play tends to be more recreational. Let's face it, I was never Mia Hamm, but at one point I think I was a decent player. But my purpose now is just to have fun, and honestly pick up soccer can be just as enjoyable as an organized league.

A couple of years ago I was introduced to a social sports league and began playing co-ed soccer for the first time in my life. I have really enjoyed it and I truly believe it has made me a better player. I have more confidence with the ball and have learned to take the extra time needed to make a good pass. My problem with this social league is that in order to keep the costs down, the games are self-reffed. And without a third part there who has no vested interest in the outcome of the game, things can sometimes get out of control.

The theory is that, as adults, we can all agree that we're there for exercise and a good time, and can all be good sports. This includes following the rules of the game, being honest about who last touched the ball when it goes out of bounds and calling your own hand balls and fouls. Much like Communism, in theory it sounds great, but in practice it just doesn't seem to work out that way.

Personally in my opinion, there is far too much incidental contact in soccer for it to remain unreffed. People take advantage of the lack of referee to heighten that incidental contact, which can end up being dangerous. But the part that really gets to me is the people who take advantage of the situation by insisting every call go their way, and arguing with you if you disagree with them. Ultimately they are like bullies - they figure chances are most people in a recreational league like this won't bother to fight them over something trivial like whose free kick it is, and they are usually right. In the grand scheme of things, it's not really such a big deal. But what gets to me about it is the underhandedness of it all. The way that even grown men and women, who are supposed to know better, will take advantage of the fact that there's no authority figure there to keep them honest. And as an honest person, you have two choices: either give the bullies what they want all the time, or end up fighting over every petty little thing. And suddenly, you're not having fun anymore.

I still love to play soccer, but now sometimes I find when the game is over, instead of feeling good, I'm angry anf frustrated.  I don't care if we won, or if we lost, but when things degenerate into shouting and name-calling, it ceases to be about the soccer. 

To me, it's just one more example of how the message of Golding's Lord of the Flies remains true in our society today. These games are just like being on the island, and when I try to stand up for rules and order I often feel like Piggy yelling at the other boys to respect the conch. And we all know what happened to Piggy. I'm not there to be the moral police - I just want to have fun playing the game I love. 

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