It may have come up once or twice in my blogging past that I suck at dating.  Well guess what?  I still suck at dating. 

Now I could dedicate an entire entry to the many shortcomings of men in general, but truthfully, I think I've been there and done that. I briefly flirted with the idea of focusing on my shortcomings, but then I realized I don't actually have any. 

While I was tossing around these ideas, I had a conversation with a friend of mine.  We'll call her Sara.  Sara is nineteen, and is still learning about the ways of men.  Currently, she is going through the unfortunate experience of learning that some guys will do or say just about anything to sleep with a woman, and once they get what they want, they become a completely different person.

Listening to Sara tell me what she was feeling, I started to get angry.  Somehow this cowardly excuse for a human being had convinced one of the nicest, sweetest girls I know that she was worthless.  She felt stupid and used and worst of all, she still wanted him. Not the asshole he really is, but the person he pretended to be in order to win her over in the first place.

The thing is, the only stupid one in this situation is him.  Perhaps Sara was a bit naive, but we've all been guilty of that.  But she didn't mislead anyone, or lie, or pretend to be something she's not.  And what is really hurting her isn't the fact that she slept with him and he didn't call, it's that she misjudged him, and now she doesn't trust her ability to recognize when someone actually likes her as opposed to someone who is playing her to get some action.

When I realized this was what the real issue was for Sara, I had a minor epiphany about my own life.  All of my recent dating issues are stemming from the same root cause - I don't trust my own judgement. I understand why this seems like a bit of an obvious statement, but sometimes things that are so glaringly apparent to everyone else are difficult to see in the mirror of self-reflection.

So what does this do for me?  Well really, not a hell of a lot.  But it did help me to chill out a little in regards to my own current dating situation.  I've been on a few dates recently with a particular person, and so far I have thought that they were pretty good dates.  From my perspective they were - I had fun, never felt uncomfortable, we seem to have a lot of common interests and attitudes, and he actually seems to get my sense of humour.  For all intents and purposes this should be a positive thing.  Yet lately I've found myself making that same mistake I always do - over-analyzing everything.  What he does or doesn't do, what he says or doesn't say, and what it means (or might mean).  Now I realize, I am doing this because so far, I think he likes me.  But I don't trust myself enough to accept that, so instead I analyze everything to death, looking for proof.

What it boils down to is this - maybe he likes me, maybe he doesn't.  But examining and re-examining everything he says isn't going to do anything to change that.  I find guys to be pretty simple creatures.  If he talks to you, and agrees to spend time with you, and seems to have fun with you when he does, it's most likely because he wants to. 

I've realized I need to start to just take things at face value.  There are always going to be people who deceive me, and people I misjudge.  But I don't think it's worth missing out on the good in life just to avoid the bad.

That said, I still think I suck at this whole dating thing.  I'm just not going to worry about it so much.

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Recently I went on a date with a guy and at the time I thought it went pretty well.  I found him incredibly easy to talk to and we seem to have a lot in common.  It also didn't hurt that he was quite attractive as well.  It seemed that he was interested in me as well so overall I would classify it as a successful date.

So here's the problem (and you knew there had to be one)...I don't know what I am supposed to do now.  Between all the failed relationships, screwed up dates, friendly advice and pop culture examples I've experienced I've pretty much realized that no matter what I do, it won't be the right thing.

The thing is, I'm 33 years old.  I'm tired of having to play games with people.  But as a woman if you're direct and to the point, guys think you're pushy, aggressive and clingy - generally not the most desirable qualities in a potential partner.

It's not that I think after one date you should jump into a committed relationship.  It's just that I wish I didn't have to feel like a tool admitting to the guy that I really enjoyed spending time with him and would really like to do so again soon.  Yet I did admit this, and now, not surprisingly, I feel like a tool.

See it's just that I can't seem to forget something I read once.  If a guy is really into you, he'll want to talk to you, he'll want to see you, and he'll make the effort to do so.  If not, well, he's just not that into you (guess where I read this!).  And as silly and trite the whole book was, there does seem to be some logic behind it.

Now I have to be fair; since this date I've heard from the guy in question multiple times including a nice phone conversation last night.  But I just can't shake the feeling that every time I initiate a conversation with him that I'm annoying him.  This is totally on me - he's never done or said anything of the sort.  I just can't shake the feeling that in expressing interest in him I'm doing something wrong.

It's been so long since I met someone who is exactly what I want in a partner, that I'm afraid I'm going to screw it up.

*Sigh*  Life would just be easier if Sidney Crosby would just realize he loves me.

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Anyone who knows me would be shocked by the title of this post, since I tend to use email frequently, and am a pretty tech-happy person. Don't get me wrong, there are plenty of things I like about email - it's convenient, quick and provides a written record of what you've said. Sometimes you can even track if/when someone has read the message you sent. So I have plenty of good things to say about email. But the one thing I don't like about it is the way many people seem to use it as a means of avoiding the need to interact with the person on the other end.

Example - I was dumped through an email this weekend. Yes true it was not a serious relationship (far from it in fact) and we'd only had a couple dates, but I'm sorry after a couple months of dates and chatting I think I deserved more than an email from him. He had a perfectly valid reason - turns out the love of his life ex-girlfriend wants to give him another chance - but I think it was really cowardly of him to email me. He took the easy, non-confrontational way out, because he got to say everything he needed to say without having to deal with the difficulty of my reaction. Don't get me wrong, I wouldn't have had a meltdown :) but he didn't have to deal with knowing he hurt me. Because being rejected hurts, no matter how long or short a time you've known someone, or how much their reason has "nothing to do with you", or how many times they tell you you're "an amazing person who will find someone who deserves you". I know it can be hard to deal with hurting someone - nobody likes to know they made someone else feel bad. But making someone feel even worse so you don't have to deal with feeling badly at all, well that sucks.

Oh well, one down, a million more to go. There has to be somebody out there willing to put up with my crap :)

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