Okay, I know I complain a lot about being single. And for good reason I might add. There's nothing worse than attending your younger sister's wedding and having your own relatives make fun of you for being the only cousin who hasn't been married (one's divorced, the rest...damn them and their happy families!!). And that was before my boyfriend broke up with me (and maybe even why???)

So after a particularly bitter bitch session to my friend Bernice, I was convinced to try out the dating website she and her sister had recently registered for. Bernice had been quite successful so far, and assured me I would be as well.

That was two weeks ago.

That's right...two weeks ago I was just a normal, single 30-something girl bitter about men.

Now I'm just bitter.

Alright, no I'm not. I don't think I could be truly bitter if I tried. But I'm a little discouraged. I've had a lot of my messages ignored, been told I'm not someone's "type" or had people reply at first and then just lose interest. Okay fine, no worries, it's like dating, everything takes time. And then I received a message back from this fairly interesting 31 year old I had checked out.

He told me I was "out of (his) age range".

WTF?!?!?

That's when I realized why my dating luck has been all bad. Men are stupid. I know, not much of an epiphany, but seriously. Guys my age who are single are constantly complaining they can't find any decent single women. Now I know why; they're shopping in the young adult section. Wake up guys!! What the hell would a 21 year old want with you? You hit your peak 12 years ago!

Out of his age range...I scoff at his age range.

*sigh* It's times like these where I think I should just give in, get another kitty or 5 and accept my fate as a crazy cat lady.

But then I think no way; I'm not letting the male gender off the hook quite yet.

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When American Idol first aired I actually stumbled into watching it by accident. I was home on a Tuesday night, many years ago, and surfing through the channels for something to watch when a curious sound caught my attention. There was a young woman standing before a table of three people, singing her heart out, though unfortunately quite poorly. At first I thought this was some sort of prank, or joke, but soon discovered instead that this was an open call talent show, searching for the next big American pop star. The girl did not handle the polite critique of the first two judges very well, but completely lost it when the snarky British judge made some less than kind comments about her lack of ability. And by lost it I don't mean broke down in to humiliated tears, as I feel certain I would have. I mean exploded into a furious frenzy of self-denial.

And with that, I was hooked.

I soon came to know and love all three of the Judges. There was Paula, the slightly kooky yet good-hearted one; Randy, the jovially, politely honest one; and Simon, the bitingly sarcastic British one, who seemed to have a witty comment to cover failures of all kinds. I watched followed the show fanatically, not missing an episode from the first time I discovered it straight to the finale where Kelly Clarkson was named the first American Idol, winning out over Sideshow Justin (what ever happened to that clown anyway?).

When the second season began I was just as excited, and followed just as enthusiastically. I was a little disappointed when Ruben beat out Clay in the closest final vote ever (let the conspiracy theories begin) but still enjoyed the season as a whole.

After that, things went downhill. The judges became caricatures of themselves, rather than sincere. Simon's put downs seemed forced, Randy's honesty lost its politeness and Paula, well, she just seemed crazy. And the open call auditions seemed to focus more on humiliating the social awkward, somewhat delusional people who believed they had talent than they did on showcasing the potential talent of the show. One of the things I had loved to this point was falling for, and ultimately rooting for, singers right from their first audition. It was what kept me coming back; I wanted to follow their progression through the show. But every year there seemed to be less and less focus on the people with real talent in the first weeks of the show.

Ultimately to me, I felt it became a slightly sadistic exercise in cruelty. I was no longer amused by angry divas who weren't quite as talented as they thought they were. Instead, I found myself pitying the awkwardly clueless kids who truly believed they were being given a chance to shine, when ultimately they were being set up to be the butt of one of Simon's cruel jokes. Maybe that's funny to some people, but for me, picking on the weak has never provided much in the way of entertainment.

And so ended my affair with American Idol. Or at least that's what I believed.

Years went by, shows came and went, and I never really found myself missing Idol. But strangely last night, again on a Tuesday, I found myself searching for something to watch and I landed on American Idol. I was pleasantly surprised by some of the changes I noticed. The most obvious is the departure of Paula - I guess the American public had grown tired of her constant mental breakdowns and inane ramblings because I did know she had not been asked back. In her place were two new females. One was Kara, who I know joined the show last year. The second was this week's guest judge, Posh Spice herself, Victoria Beckham. The gender balance at the judges' table offers a slightly more appealing dynamic, and there seemed to be more sincerity to the judges' reactions than in the past. Most importantly though, there seemed to be a shift back to a balance between the talented and the not-so talented auditioners. I once again found myself falling for a couple singers (my favourite was this sweet guy in a green shirt with a very nice voice and just such an obviously kind personality - I wish I could remember his name!) and now I want to see how they do in Hollywood. There are still a few too many jokes at the expense of others and some unnecessary cruelty, but I guess that's what happens when you pander to the lowest common denominator - this is a Fox show after all - but it didn't seem to be the sole purpose.

It's still no Glee, but I'm willing to give it a second chance.

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Yes it is true, I am addicted to Glee!

If you've been living under a rock for the past few months and don't know what Glee is, please allow me to enlighten you. Glee is a new show on Fox (yeah I know, Fox, but don't let that scare you off) that has absolutely blown me (and quite a few other people too) away. It's about a high school Spanish teacher (Will Schuester) living a fairly mundane life who decides to try and recapture some of the joy from his youth by starting up a Glee club. Belonging to Glee was the high point of his life, and I guess nobody ever bothered to tell him that Glee clubs are for geeks and losers, so he's a little surprised when he holds auditions and only geeks and losers sign up. With a little creative thinking he manages to convince Finn, the star quarterback with a secret talent for song, to join and not long after some of his popular friends follow along. His mane rival is Sue Sylvester, coach of the "Cheerios", who is hellbent on his destruction. The first 12 episodes of the series document the teams road to Sectionals, their first competition, and each episode is full of humour, drama, and song and dance numbers performed by the cast. Although some moments are lacking in realism, the emotions of the characters are sincere, and that's what hooks you.

There's really so much more to it, but I'm not here to write a half season summary for you - go out and buy the dvds.

The things is I'm in Glee withdrawl. And the next episode of Glee doesn't air until April! How am I going to survive until then?

So the most common question I get asked when I tell people about my addition is "Why?" Such a simple question, with no simple answer. I guess the best way I can describe it is that for one hour a week, I can sit and feel completely content. I've experienced addictions to shows before (Buffy, Angel, Firefly and Veronica Mars to name four) but the difference is that I don't just enjoy Glee, it actually makes me feel happy. Even when it's over and I am sad that it's done, I am left with a smile on my face (which sounds a little creepier than it is).

I have always found January and February to be the toughest months emotionally for me. There's something about the snow, slush and what feels like perpetual darkness that's more than a little depressing. It's little things like a weekly TV show that I rely on to get me through these dark times. And I have to say, Simon Cowell's mockery of the American Losers who try to out-weird each other on idol just doesn't bring me the joy it once did.

Sigh.

I miss Glee.

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Anyone who knows me would be shocked by the title of this post, since I tend to use email frequently, and am a pretty tech-happy person. Don't get me wrong, there are plenty of things I like about email - it's convenient, quick and provides a written record of what you've said. Sometimes you can even track if/when someone has read the message you sent. So I have plenty of good things to say about email. But the one thing I don't like about it is the way many people seem to use it as a means of avoiding the need to interact with the person on the other end.

Example - I was dumped through an email this weekend. Yes true it was not a serious relationship (far from it in fact) and we'd only had a couple dates, but I'm sorry after a couple months of dates and chatting I think I deserved more than an email from him. He had a perfectly valid reason - turns out the love of his life ex-girlfriend wants to give him another chance - but I think it was really cowardly of him to email me. He took the easy, non-confrontational way out, because he got to say everything he needed to say without having to deal with the difficulty of my reaction. Don't get me wrong, I wouldn't have had a meltdown :) but he didn't have to deal with knowing he hurt me. Because being rejected hurts, no matter how long or short a time you've known someone, or how much their reason has "nothing to do with you", or how many times they tell you you're "an amazing person who will find someone who deserves you". I know it can be hard to deal with hurting someone - nobody likes to know they made someone else feel bad. But making someone feel even worse so you don't have to deal with feeling badly at all, well that sucks.

Oh well, one down, a million more to go. There has to be somebody out there willing to put up with my crap :)

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Okay so I'm a thief; I have stolen the term "intentions" from a colleague who has in turn stolen it from somewhere else. But since I always fail at maintaining my resolutions and am then overcome by the accompanying shame and guilt, I decided this year to try out some New Year's intentions, and see how well they go. So here they are, in no particular order:

1. No more sports suspensions - I almost made it through a full year without one, but blew 11 months of problem-free sports events in December by engaging in a small altercation with another player in a hockey game. So this year I intend to make it 12 months without issue. We'll see how it goes.

2. Less procrastination - I can remember being 8 years old and trying to write my speech for my grade three class the night before I had to present it. I remember at that time thinking, "I will never leave anything to last minute again." 25 years later and I am as big a procrastinator as I was then. But this year that all changes. I will stay on top of deadlines, will finish marking essays in less than a month and won't spend more time on Facebook than work.

3. Stop over thinking - Sometimes you just have to go with the flow. I think I have sabotaged many a potential relationship by worrying too much about what might or could happen, instead of just being happy in the now and letting what happens happen. I've actually already failed at this once this new year, but since I hadn't actually put this list in writing I won't count it as a failure yet.

4. Start eating healthy - this one will go a lot better if I include doing grocery shopping on my list as well. I know it's not going to happen, but I figure I'll add it to the list for the hell of it.

5. Be better organized financially - This is probably the most important one, and one I really need to work on. I have to start looking at my finances and keeping track of where my money is going.

I could go on and on and on, but we'll stick with 5 for this year, and see how they go. But at least this year I won't feel bad when I break them all :)

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